i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
