census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
