wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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