I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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