In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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