Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
