Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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