I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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