Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
