Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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