I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All the doctor said was why
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
