Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
