I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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