I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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