were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
