i just sent this text using only my big toe
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my being single is dangerous.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
