she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
