All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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