u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize