ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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