THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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