Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He shit in the fireplace
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
