I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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