oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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