I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
