I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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