no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
