i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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