6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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