Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
