all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
