Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just threw up on my dentist
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She made me pour olive oil on her.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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