I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
