Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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