He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
