last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
