oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
