Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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