i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
