Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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