i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
