Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
