I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
