Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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