Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
