My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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