So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
