Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
