i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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