Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How external is "for external use only"?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
