Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
