I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We got so high we made milksteak
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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