my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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