My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My life is pants optional.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
