why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
