Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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