i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
