I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
