She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
