girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
