Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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