i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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