I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We talked him into tasing himself.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
