She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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