some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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