false alarm. still invincible.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
