Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize