we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
