Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
